The Goyavic Shroom 
 
Some people shouldn't be trusted with gardens. Case in point: ever since a strange drifter from the east dropped by our gardens, we've had a sudden appearance of self-proclaimed Goyavic Shrooms.
 
Snaggled tooth, beady eyes, and a generally nasty disposition; the Goyavic Shroom seems rather useless and unpleasant- but luckily for you, we've discovered a use all gardens can benefit from.
 
See, not only gardeners hate him, but EVERYONE! Keep vermin and pests at a distance with the Goyavic Shroom! Name the intruder and the Goyavic Shroom will have a slur and other forms of verbal abuse at the ready.
 
If anything gets too daring, the Goyavic Shroom will nip and gnaw at them until they retreat.
 
No need for a watchdog! Forget a scarecrow! Get your Goyavic Shroom today!
 
Warning: Goyavic Shrooms are made by hands. Meaning unless you have more than two hands, you should leave the growing to us.